The draft and the suggestions look very good. Allow me to give you my take, to introduce a slightly different angle.
I think that both the draft could be sent like it’s worded and each of the suggestions is worth being included.
I was thinking about including the NSR holders into the introduction as you speak on behalf of them as well. But I think that does sound too much like selling something (which you try, but without the NSR holders it sounds less so 
)
I’m hesitant about mentioning the Android wallet. Basically it’s a competitor of iPay, VISA payWave and the likes. It’s not as widely distributed as the latter ones are, but compared to them using NuBits is cheap and without the hassle of back charges.
The Android wallet is in a great position, but currently lacks distribution.
That’s a good pars pro toto of the chicken and egg problem NuBits are in…
…I think it should be in the text.
Here’s my take.
The first part is important - you can’t rely on Bitcoin’s value. If people were hoarding more and more and you could rely on that, the price would rather go north than change a great deal from day to day.
Bitcoin’s liquidity is high, but so is the volatility.
With NuBits only the liquidity is high; volatility compared to USD is 0.
What about
I don’t know whether it would be beneficial to add what I’ve inserted in bold letters.
I don’t know whether that pulls attraction to the fact that a system like NuBits can be under heavy load. I prefer adding it, because even if you hadn’t thought of it before, you see the scenario and learn that this doesn’t impact the reliability of NuBits if there’s heavy load.
I like the rephrasing by @Nagalim very much, but allow me to play the grammar nazi - I don’t want this tiny correction not to be included in the letter.
In difference to @mhps I’d rather focus on Nu’s capability to support daily trading volumes in the millions as it already has shown in its past.
While that’s important if one tries to understand how NSR are tied to NBT and that the market capitalization is important to be able to keep the peg, it’s nothing for the first contact.
What about
While this might not be true for every single day, most days it is - by far.
This is what PEGs should be more interested in than the market cap.
I second that the next one is important (at least imho). One of the attributes that’s liked at LTC and DOGE.
Before I write more about bits and pieces, here’s a version with all updates I’d make (I’ve changed $1.00 US to 1.00 USD). It looks like I’ve completely written it; yet it’s just an altered draft.
